It's OK to Say No

It was in 2006. I had just returned from a few months of studying in England. I had passed my final exams, was in the process of writing my master's thesis, and had just landed my first real job.

She was more of a friend-of-a-friend. She had already graduated and was working as an assistant to a professor at my university. She was a good student (I remember her notes being photocopied and passed around to prepare for exams), an icon, a painter's muse, and an actress, with her deep voice and flamboyant curly blonde hair. I would never have thought we'd hang out.

By an unexpected turn of events, she convinced me to take part in a large-scale theater project—mostly because I had no idea of the difference between a musical choir and a theatrical one, but that’s a whole other story. We would rehearse twice a week for hours and, as a result, spend a lot of time together.

One day, she told me those six words:

It changed my perspective on life forever. I had never realized I was a "yes person"—always ready to go out, always tagging along. I had never realized that it could sometimes be a burden. Until I felt the relief that came the first time I said no.

I put this mantra into practice for minor events (like saying no to a movie I wasn’t eager to watch) and for major decisions (like turning down a job offer that others in my field would "kill" for). And I'm glad I've now written it in black on white—and white on black—to share it with you.

She has since then been my mentor. I've always admired the bold decisions she made in life—both personal and professional— and still do today, despite the distance.

Thank you, Ariane.

Do you have a mentor? What's your mantra? I'd love to know who and what inspires you. Please share!